Speaker 1:
None of the healthy living resources

telecast and on this month's show we're

gonna be discussing all the stresses

associated with the holidays so stay

tuned

[Music]

Hi everyone welcome to the November

edition of choppy living resources my

name is Amanda woods I'm the healthy

finances program specialist on this

month's show we're gonna be discussing

various stresses associated associated

with the holidays I'm in on this show

we're gonna have Jamie Delafield she's

an Extension educator in Hardin County

and Stacey Baker

she's the healthy relationship program

specialist with OSU Extension family

consumer sciences so without taking up

any more time we're gonna go ahead and

let them get started great thanks Amanda

how long was Nerds out there I am Steve

Baker and I support our OSU Extension

educators all throughout the state of

Ohio and their healthy relationship

based programming and one of those

healthy relationship based program areas

is mind-body wellness and Jamie is here

with us today and she is one of our lead

OSU Extension educators in mind-body

wellness so Jamie could you take a

little time to share with our listeners

before we get started discussing stress

in your mental health during the

holidays just take a little time to

discuss your background and what is your

education experience with mental health

thanks Stacy just to let everybody know

I have an undergraduate degree in

psychology and came to extension about

three years ago and in that time have

done a lot of work um in prevention and

sharing with everyone about how

important it is to take care of your own

mental health I'm a mental health first

aid instructor and both the adult force

and the youth course have a national

fellowship with the e Extension

Foundation I've sat on many workgroups

at this local state and national level

I'm working against fighting the opioid

epidemic and also just really want to

make sure there are basics cleared

themselves I live with anxiety every day

and want to help others take care of

themselves if they're struggling with

the mental illness you're good thank you

so you know

holidays are approaching I'm starting to

feel a little bit of stress just because

I make Thanksgiving meals for all my

family and you know we've got holidays

and you know everybody celebrates

different you know Christmas types the

holidays but I'm starting to feel that

stress come in and so what can we do

Jamie - like what are some different

types of stress that we actually do

experienced during those holidays as

those holidays are approaching well you

mentioned one right just the preparation

alone of typically we don't have 20

people in our home who are relying us to

provide healthy food that is delicious

at the same time so preparation and

preparing I think is one major way that

we see stress manifesting itself it's

not in our typical everyday life we all

get in a routine and so we go to the

same place every day for our coffee we

go to the same gas stations we go to the

same grocery stores and sometimes for

the holidays you're going multiple

places because you'll find that one

special type of cranberry that Graham

all used right in the cranberry dishes

and so we sort of put this put this

extra stress on ourselves to prepare

other ways that we see stress in the

holidays are we want a magical

experience we live in a world where we

think there are a lot of rainbows and

unicorns anybody out there raise your

hand you think because you've watched

the Hallmark Channel maybe one too many

times everything has a happy ending we

know that in our holidays there's not

always a happy ending we may experience

remembrances of individuals who have

gone past I will use my own self as an

example I recently watched the movie

Coco if anyone has seen that I was in a

fetal position something on my couch

when it was over thinking about how my

family members who have gone before me

are no longer with us and missing them

so that perfect holiday that we see on

TV or that we see in commercials or that

we see in the media can't always happen

and so we put undue stress on ourselves

because we think it has to be that

strong happy emotion when in reality any

emotion that we are experiencing is ok

during

holiday there are also financial

concerns a lot of us put a lot of weight

and energy on Christmas and Thanksgiving

New Year's being huge parties and in

that we think that we have to have a lot

of extras extra games extra presents

this big hurrah that we're all going to

remember when in reality what we

remember at the holidays are the times

that we spend with each other not the

stuff and so to break that and to take

that stress that would be a really

important thing as well it's not about

that $300 pair of boots that have that

certain a label for your teenage

daughter it's also not about more and

more and more and more it's not about

skiing at Boyne it's not about going

away to big vacations it's about simple

and if we could get back to that we

don't have a lot of extra money the

majority of Americans live paycheck to

paycheck

in our one paycheck away from financial

disaster and because of that we need to

remember that if you've not budgeted for

it it doesn't have to happen it's ok to

have conversations with your children

and family members that this year we're

going to cut back so we can eliminate

some stress that way from the holiday

season the other part of it is is that

because of all of the celebrations that

happen we are drinking more sometimes or

if we are in a recovery where at parties

where where alcohol is being served and

that can be very stressful if you're

fighting an addiction we are also

overeating which makes us feel lethargic

and then our pants stop pinning and when

our pants stop fitting then we start

feeling bad about ourselves and then we

start feeling stressed because what do

we need to do and then there's that more

more in it and we once you get a magic

pill and so in the new year we joined

Weight Watchers which could add more

stress to our budget because we think we

have to eat a certain way and be certain

meals and so it does this terrible cycle

if you're not noticing from the way I'm

hugging where we perpetuate

what is happening so we want to

encourage everyone to just slow down

just take a breath more holiday is your

holiday no two families holidays look

the same and that's really important as

well and it's okay to set boundaries you

do not need to be at a holiday party

every other day what about those

relationships but within fan absolutely

how does that play a part with those

stresses during the holidays

does anyone else out there want to

answer that question great and Rihanna's

paper I was gonna say I think every

person has an experience where there are

just individuals that you don't really

care to see but you suck it out because

you have to see them because it's what

grandma wants and it's what you know the

patriarch or matriarch of our family

once so one of the things that I would

suggest is to be realistic in your

expectations have those conversations

ahead of time know that you know go to a

different room in the house be polite be

cordial but don't expect old wounds to

be healed and it's okay to say I have

other plans

can I meet with you another time this is

too much you know that I don't get along

with so-and-so it's too hard and that's

going to hurt someone I'm sure but it's

better to protect yourself in a kind

healthy way than it is to jump into

something that's going to be detrimental

for everyone later on and it's not easy

the other part of that is that when

there are strained relationships we miss

people and so if you are in a

relationship that is strained

there are a couple of things on the

holiday season is a good time to extend

that olive branch and to say that you're

sorry even if you don't feel that it was

your fault great to open up that

conversation and use past memories and

past holidays that were good times as a

reminder that there's a deeper

relationship there as long as it's

healthy as long as you think that that's

something that you can do but

maybe this isn't the time at all and

that's okay as well you got to put that

much pressure on yourself just

absolutely just let it be what it is and

you know if you can avoid it avoid it

and it's okay to cut ties if necessary

or you've really touched on a lot of

this dresser problem many of you out

there can relate to but in addition to

those stressors Jimmy can you help us

understand why we feel this stress we're

you know what causes the stress that

we're feeling you know you've mentioned

the stressors that we all experience but

what causes the stress to begin the

first that come from

so innately we are all pleasers no

matter what your personality type is or

no matter what your temperament is we

live in a relationship like we've just

talked about with other people and in

relationship we want to make people

happy the holidays are a time to make

people happy to show people we care

we're actually intentional at the

holidays of saying I love you I want to

be with you be a part of my life come be

with me we're with all of those parties

right we're all much more focus we're

not having parties in March mm-hmm it

would be really nice if we did so let's

maybe have a Christmas and March party

instead of Christmas in July to take

some of that stress off but we are

intentionally trying to see people that

we haven't seen in a while individuals

who have lived far away we live in a

society where we we don't always live

where we grew up and so people are home

for the holidays being home for the

holidays which we didn't even talk about

that being a stressor right Travel can

be a huge stressor during the holiday

season but that ties back into this we

want things to be perfect so I'm going

to tell you all in case you haven't

figured it out we don't live in a

perfect world life is not perfect things

are going to go wrong so we want to try

during the holidays to leave room for

laughter at those mistakes to leave room

for things to be different I remember

when we got married and this was 23

years ago someone said to me nobody

knows what you dreamed

nobody knows what you wanted it to be so

if the pie turns out a little burnt

straight the crust off if it's still

edible right and everybody laughed and

make a memory about the pie that got

burned like so make a memory of other

things don't take so much on ask other

people to help you

grandma's grandpa's don't need to be

cooking everything it's time for them to

sit and rest those of us that are the

grandchildren in our 40s and in our 20s

and in our 30s and in our 60s need to

start taking some of those burdens and

helping out so I do think that we bring

a lot of it on ourself and also I'm

going to encourage everyone turn off

Facebook turn off social media okay we

laugh in our house because if we don't

listen on Facebook it doesn't really

happen but don't worry about what

everyone else is doing don't compare

yourself

we are always judging ourselves based on

other people's pictures other people's

comments don't own what makes you rap Oh

what makes you happy own your traditions

it makes some new ones and sometimes the

best traditions are those like I said

where it wasn't perfect we don't have to

have a holiday where it's termed and

I've been to a few holidays where

literally there's a script that our

family follows and it's not a typical

holiday until we say those things or I

told me do this change it up a little

bit live live a little more

spontaneously let go of some of that

yeah I think that digital advice that

you gave is so important too because

we're there we may not see some of these

family members but once a year so to be

able to connect with them in person and

get on those devices take advantage of

all the time that you have while you are

together I think that's great advice as

well absolutely so so how does stress

affect mental health how does it affect

our mental health

so everyone take a deep breath right

here we go

we are just a bundle of nerves and when

you try to add the holidays on to

everyday living we become individuals

who can't shut off and whether you live

with anxiety whether you're struggling

with depression whether you have a

diagnosed mental illness for example

stress is a part of our life it's part

of just everyday living and so when the

holidays come on we're adding more

stress to what is already there and so

what we need to think about is what can

we give away what really is our priority

how do we make a list what does that

look like because you can't think

properly stress affects your entire

living infection brain affects your

muscles and affects how you digest

things it affects what you eat how you

eat who you hang out with the choices

that you make and when we bring all of

that outside in on top of the normal so

here's our normal everyday life right

and then we've got the holiday so

there's this and then there's this and

then you've got kids and sports

depending on your age or you've got a

family member who wants you to be their

house on Christmas Eve but you'd already

committed to being at someone else's

house on Christmas Eve it's like back

and forth back and forth what ends up

happening is the stress becomes so

overwhelming that what I do and I don't

know about any of you out there is I

become a hermit and I just don't want to

go anywhere and I I go I just can't

handle it anymore and so we break down

and we don't want to see that happen to

you this is a time for us to be

intentional about loving and being in

relationship but if you are so

overwhelmed by everything that's coming

in at you you're not gonna be able to

enjoy the laughter and the silliness of

your family and we just want to

encourage that so I think you know it's

hard to live when you can't shut off

your brain

and that's what stress does yes and

infects our whole body talks about him

but essentially we can't turn it off

it's our brain like when you think about

a test so for students out there when

you're ready for a test

stress is a good thing because you're

focused on that test and you're getting

ready for that test but the minute that

test is gone who you can breathe

what happens to us is that the

relationships that we are in with other

people at the holidays don't always

allow us to let that stress go holidays

are with us all of the time even if it's

not that day now some folks can work

themselves up an entire year you know

right as you moved closer and closer to

those holiday I mean I know people who

start Christmas shopping the day after

Christmas or the next year absolutely I

tried that once I can't find any of the

presents that I bought we talked about

stressors and we talk about what causes

stressors and our mental health and how

that all affects our mental health well

now can you give our listeners coping

skills or how do they cope with this and

manage this holiday stress what are some

tips that you could give all right so

the first one is going to be for

individuals who are living with a mental

illness and that is stay in therapy and

continue your the typical daily routine

trying not to add too much to what

you're already doing the next tip start

for anyone and I would say the first one

would be don't rely on drugs and alcohol

to help you cope if you are normally not

a drinker when you go to a party make

one glass of wine and then get water or

soft drink when you're done and that

pressure from family members when

they're drinking Oh have another have

another I seen you that trickles in as

well absolutely so be smart set your

boundaries and stick to them the next

thing is to set realistic expectations

when we said that multiple times

be okay with it not being a homework

moment be okay with that things are

going to go wrong be okay with not

having thousands of dollars under the

tree don't go into debts for the holiday

set a budget and stick to it and

depending on the age of your children I

know the best thing that we have done as

a family as my two teenagers is that we

have decided to stop buying presents and

we are doing trips together so we take

the Christmas budget and we then go and

make a memory so we've done some really

fun weekend getaways and we use that

Christmas money than if throughout the

year my children are really into musical

theater and so one of the things was in

July we got a Christmas present for

ourselves and there was a sale for

theater tickets so we bought season

tickets and so once a month we're going

to a theater show together so we have

Christmas all year long and that brings

the family together to gift that and

allows you to be together and absolutely

absolutely

rather than this material guess that's

that's a that's a that's a gifts

bringing a family closer absolutely no

matter the age sooo memberships skating

lessons passes to the ice rink they're

also want some fun experiences that you

can get but again that's your budget

determine what your budget is going to

be and how you're going to spend that

and that's part of that realistic

expectation is not over doing here

nobody remembers a lot of that in 10

years they remember the laughter and the

love I'm gonna remember the fights we've

talked about the stress of fighting so

you know avoid those situations if you

means you that is a big one in those

realistic expectations is to know but

it's okay to back out of it in such a

boundary the other thing I would say is

take time to get outside

take a walk I'm really bad about this

sometimes especially when it gets dark

outside I come home and put my pajamas

on and it's 5:30 and I don't want to go

back out again so go home and put your

pajamas on take a walk get some sunshine

I know it's few and far between here in

Ohio and we can talk later there's time

about seasonal affective disorder and

how that affects our mood but we do have

a tendency sometimes to once a curl up

fight that urge

call a friend grab your kids put him in

the stroller just because it's cold we

are closed for that put on a hat put on

clothes take a walk and get outside soak

up as much Sun as you can get even if

that means I have a lamp that's a UV

lamp get a couple of UV lamps if he

needs you to help you on right near mood

that is so important because our Ohio

weather you know we don't get a lot of

Sun during those winter months and that

can definitely bring on those winter

blues that it's real right absolutely

yeah yeah because you just want to curl

up and that contributes to all of that

stress absolutely and your mental health

and how you relate to people how you

react to people your choices absolutely

right because if I'm not feeling it we

can't sir if our cup is empty and that

brings me to the next thing that is

really good to do is find somewhere to

volunteer meals on wheels a homeless

shelter a coat dry toys for ties you

don't have to spend money to give and as

a family if you can find a way to do

that just have another dimension to what

you're doing and we always learn that we

don't have it so bad I think that

whenever I volunteered I come out with

more than the individuals who I am

serving grab your family give up you

know grab a few friends those think

Christmas carols at the nursing home

volunteer in your children's classroom

go on campus make some cookies and take

them to students my goodness college

kids are very lonely they need some

loving reach out take the extra step to

you know say hi I was on teaching her

parents in class yesterday and I

actually said to the individual you know

we have control over our own attitude

and as you have control over your own

attitude that means that poor harried

worker at the gas station are poor

harried person we don't know their story

right but we can extend them extra

gratitude so that's a way to volunteer

to is just a volunteer with kindness so

put that on and really be intentional

about your thinking and how does that

help our stress and reduce our stress

when we give back during the holidays

how can that help with our Stern well

statistics show and research shows that

volunteering actually lowers your heart

rate and it actually is a form of

relaxation so what that does is it gives

you a place you may not be a yoga person

I'm a little antsy I do like my yoga

class but it really takes me about 20

minutes to get into the 30 minute class

right until I'm finally in that zen-like

state to let it all go right but when

you volunteer you're getting some of

those same benefits because your brain

switches right so the neurons and the

way our brain works that's a whole

nother whole another episode I think on

how our my brain develops but when our

neurons start firing and it's about

empathy and it's about sympathy we are

digging deep into our soul and that is

amazing so it feels good to get back so

we're we're volunteering and you feel

that in your heart you feel that in your

mind you go oh so it's a whole different

level and then on that note right think

about other things that you can do to

give you that space to breathe to lower

your heart rate to slow your brain down

again America is so commercialized so

commercializing

that we want to think about how do we

get away from that so how do we be

mindful that mindful - yeah yes so what

so what are mindful practices mindful

practices are anything where you're

intentionally thinking about why am i

doing what anyway

whether it's eating whether it's

journaling reading a book taking a walk

every experience that we do even working

what's your like work work Jimmy mindful

yes when you're sitting at your computer

taken you know set a timer here on the

line if you're a factory worker take a

break when you're out there you know if

you're a smoker which we don't really

encourage but I know that for factories

right we have people that say if there's

smoke Frank if you're not a smoker and

don't take those breaks stop and breathe

mm-hmm you know you think about those

great times and how you have a set

routine maybe it's walking to the water

cooler maybe it's talking with a friend

take a walk instead put on some

classical music on your phone

one thing is great about one thing

that's great about cell phones is that

we have music with us all the time right

so there's a good where some good parts

right just really Ichigo yeah there's a

really great song called weightless by

Marconi Union and research has been done

and that actually changes your

brainwaves it actually changes the way

that your neurons are firing and so to

take that time to resect that is so

important so when you feel overwhelmed

take a breath when you feel overwhelmed

change things up if you normally walk

counterclockwise walk clockwise give it

different view of the world start to see

things differently and then finally I

would say with maybe another example be

if you drive a certain pathway to work

every day take a different pathway

absolutely that would help too great

because we don't always notice the drive

we don't always must be normally listen

to music turn off the music for a while

and let your mind go where it needs to

go and see new things along your way to

work you'll observe and see new things

that you hadn't seen before and that all

stimulates and helps reduce stress

absolutely yeah and finally

if you've lost a loved one during this

time we're missing someone acknowledge

that loss take time set up pictures late

sandals in their honor write him a

letter you know my grandma's going on 23

years and I miss her so much during this

time because it was magical and there's

that magical word again right but as a

child she made the holidays so special

and we would stay up for hours playing

board games and yeah just it's okay to

be sad please know that it's ok to have

emotions during the holidays you are

going to get stressed but how you

approach it make lists if you need to so

you don't get lost

but breathe just relax

yeah Jamie this this has been wonderful

I hope all of you loving Aries can take

away a couple tips with you that Jamie

has shared and Amanda she's now gonna

share with us and close us out and share

with us what's upcoming for next time so

yeah thanks Jamie and Stacey that was

amazing and I really feel very close to

the topic because as somebody who

suffers from anxiety all year long this

time of year can just add those little

extra bits of family together time or

events that just kind of can have it

absolutely go it's good to keep

mindfulness and all of that in mind for

sure

ok so great moving on to our December on

Charlotte House which will happen on

December 13 we're gonna be joined by

Vesta Ferrara who is our extension

educator in Mahoning County and she's

gonna be discussing with us the best

financial advice she ever received which

I think we all we all know can help

mitigate stress if we're receiving that

financial advice that can kind of help

keep us financially secure can every

watch much you really right yeah

definitely not so yeah thank you so much

for joining us today and we look forward

to seeing you next lip

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