Eat, Save, and Be Healthy

Citizenship is more than where you are born or live.  It’s about a choice to share in the community in which you live.  A community is built by building relationships between individuals in the same area.  It means you practice making life better for those that you share with.  “Good citizenship is knowing about the community and caring enough to put your knowledge, talents and energy to use to make the community a better place to live” (Exercising Character, Character Counts Curriculum).  As we share with our children the concept that citizenship is not just knowing about our government and the rules and laws we live by, it’s about learning to work with and for, others around us.

Responsibility is a key concept in being a good citizen.  Whether you are a member of a family, a congregation, a community, a state or a nation you have rights and, responsibilities to uphold the tasks required of you.

“Intelligence is not enough. Intelligence plus character, that is the goal of true education.” — Martin Luther King Jr.

Being a good citizen is a learned behavior.  It’s more than knowing our country’s history and how it functions.  It requires action with that knowledge to move us forward from where we are at the moment.  Here are some ideas you might like to try as a family:

• Create a make a difference day: choose several service projects that you might see need for in your community and establish a timeline (one a month, once every 4 months, etc).
• Look for ways to practice random acts of kindness.  Do something nice for someone, just because.
• Send notes or cards to your local police or fire station and thank them for their protection.
• Look around (with your parents help/support) and see how you might help others in your neighborhood. (raking leaves, shoveling snow, taking pets for a walk, etc).
• Talk about what rules you obey and why those rules are important to your safety and the safety of those around you.
• Take time to really study the information on issues for the upcoming election and discuss them during travel times or meal times.

Here are a couple of books you might like to read and discuss with your younger children:

• My Teacher for President, by Kay Winters (Dutton Children’s Books, 2004)
• I Pledge Allegiance, with commentary by bill Martin jr. and Michael Sampson (Candlewick press, 2002)

This time of year, it is easy to become frustrated with all the adds, the signs and phone calls.  Take time to remember what it is really all about and don’t forget to exercise your right to vote.

Author:  Melinda Hill, Extension Educator, Family and Consumer Sciences, Ohio State University Extension.

On rainy dreary days like last week, it’s really hard for me to be upbeat, positive and energetic. I have a feeling that many of you may be able to sympathize with me or at least understand where I’m coming from. On the board above my desk I have a copy of the “mood elevator” described by Senn Delaney.

It looks like this:

•Grateful
•Wise
•Creative
•Optimistic
•Appreciative
•Understanding
•Curious
•Frustrated
•Irritated
•Anxious
•Defensive
•Judgmental
•Depressed

Our emotional well-being is an important part of who we are and what we accomplish on a daily basis. When we find ourselves on the lower part of the “mood elevator”, our outlook on life and the effect that we have on those around us is not as productive or positive as it is when we are on the upper part. Larry Senn is the founder of the Senn Delaney group and gives the following tips from the Harvard Business Review to recognize and focus behavior towards a positive outcome. What I realize is that there is actual documentation that how I feel dominates not only my perspective, but those around me. Think about ways to apply the following tips in your daily life.

1. Become aware of your state of mind and use your feelings as your guide to the quality of your thinking. Make a conscious effort to notice where you are on the Mood Elevator. Use your feelings as indicators of the quality of your thought. Don’t let unhealthy thoughts become so normal you don’t notice them.

2. Take better care of yourself. Our physical state plays a role in our thinking. When we get tired and worn down we are more vulnerable to lower-quality thinking and lower moods.

3. Know your thoughts are unreliable when your mood drops. Our thoughts are often unreliable when we are in a lower state of mind. If possible, delay making major decisions until you move a few floors up the elevator. If you can’t wait, try to respond as you would if you were driving on an icy road: use caution and do not overreact.

4. Maintain your perspective through gratitude and a sense of humor. Taking the time to think each day of some things you can be grateful for is a powerful mood tonic. When you have perspective, you can see your momentary problem, challenge or issue in the context of all that you have going for you in life. Humor and lightness help you handle your serious challenges in a better, wiser state of mind.

5. Be aware of your leadership shadow. One reason to be aware of where you are on the Mood Elevator is that moods are contagious. The central finding of my doctoral dissertation on organizational culture published over 30 years ago was that an organization’s culture and climate is most greatly influenced by the shadow of their leaders. The biggest shadow we bring to work each day is our state of mind or mood. It is also the biggest one we carry home at night. That should be food for thought for all of us.

Melinda Hill is an OSU Extension Family & Consumer Sciences educator and may be reached at 330-264-8722.

Money management is an important skill to have and one that can have a deep impact on a relationship.  Many studies have shown that disagreement over money is one of the top 3 reasons that couples state when separating or getting a divorce.  Money is important to think about and deal with because it can be so intertwined with trust in your partner. Trust in all areas of a relationship is important, but areas of finance may be especially important, as money management can be a very sensitive topic for many people. Ultimately, if partners are not honest and open in the area of money, it can have a detrimental effect on the marriage. Partners may begin to distrust each other about future finances, and it may also affect trust in other areas of the relationship. The skills to manage one’s finances can be tricky, and it may not have been a skill you were taught growing up.

There is an Ohio State Extension program that was developed for individuals and couples seeking to learn better money management skills, entitled “Manage Your Money”.  This program has been turned into a FREE, interactive, distance learning course.

The skills that are covered include:

• ŸLesson 1:  Getting Started. This lesson focuses on individual and family values about money. It gives you some suggestions about ways to talk with your partner and family about money matters. You are asked to think about and develop some financial goals for the future. There are also suggestions and tools to help you start tracking your expenses.
• Lesson 2:  Where Does Your Money Go? This lesson discusses cash flow, income, and expenses. There are worksheets on which to write critical information about your income, what you owe (your credit use), and types of expenses (fixed, regular flexible, and occasional) so you have a better picture of your current financial standing.
• Lesson 3:  Stop Spending Leaks. This lesson will help you examine your spending habits to see if any problems exist. There are suggestions for changing spending practices and habits. Worksheets help you and other family members commit to a personal plan to change spending habits so funds can be used to reach important goals set in Lesson 1.
• Lesson 4:  How Much Credit Can You Afford? The focus in this lesson is on the pros and cons of using various types of consumer credit, wise credit management, and the importance of your credit history. There is a checklist to help you determine if you have some credit problems, and worksheets help you compare some credit alternatives.
• Lesson 5:  Develop Your Budget. Guidelines and worksheets for developing a written budget are the focus of this lesson. The guidelines and tools are intended to help you actually “plan” future use of income so you are in better control of day-to-day and longer-term finances.
• Lesson 6:  Your Net Worth and Financial Records. The first part of this lesson focuses on your net worth and how you own property. The second part will help you collect and organize your important financial records.

The course link is: http://go.osu.edu/mym.  Access is free of charge; new course participants only have to create a user account before accessing the course.  Consider the great benefits of better financial management to you and your family, and start the course today!

The cool mornings and evenings tell me that fall is just around the corner. Many of us will have changes in our daily schedules very soon, whether it’s getting children ready for the school bus or taking them back to college. Our time as a parent is not just the first 18 or 22 years of their lives, it takes many different roles through the years. What is common is the change or transition that we as parents are going through. It can be a turning point or a time which can involve new relationships, places or projects as I have more time to myself. It can offer a new state of mind, a new feeling or freedom or goals that I might like to pursue. As children become more independent and have lives of their own, we as parents can realize that there is a need to choose things for ourselves, letting go of “school routines” and find new ways of thinking, behaving or feeling.
In the curriculum “Winding Up- Not Down- To Mid Life” the authors talk about the opportunities of middle age as not being just the end of raising our children but as opportunities to identify goals and activities for another stage in life. Here are some tips they share to having successful transitions in life.
• Develop and support relationships at work and home. When people value the input of good friends research suggests that stressful experiences are less negative and they remain healthier, are more successful and live longer
• Examine your work environment. Think about what you like about this phase of life. Change what you can, of the things you don’t like about your job and environment, and accept what you cannot change.
• Take care of yourself. Eat a balanced diet, exercise and get plenty of rest. A high rate of change often means extra stress and strain on your body.
• Give each family member (or work family) a sincere compliment every day. Encouraging others to feel good about themselves is a wonderful way to feel good about ourselves.
• Be open and flexible. Know that your present routine is only temporary. A positive attitude helps you feel good about yourself and the life you live.
• Take control of your thoughts and actions and you will be better able to control how you respond to change.
• Use available resources to help you.
Change is more difficult for some than others. We can choose to:
1. Do nothing and continue to hold onto unpleasant or negative feelings.
2. Face the old things and take care of unresolved feelings and needs or,
3. Relate old experiences to similar present experiences.
Change is part of life. The more skills we have the better we will cope with planned or unplanned changes. Self reflection is something that many of us don’t take time to do. My challenge for today is to look at your goals in life and see if you are on target for making your dreams come true. If your dreams are behind the clouds, maybe it’s time to take some time for yourself and recognize ways for positive change.

A new research brief from Child Trends reinforces what research has been saying for years- healthy and happy parental relationships lead to better outcomes for children.  For years researchers have been coming to the conclusion that higher relationships quality between parents leads to many better child and parental outcomes including:

• less child behavior problems
• higher child social competence
• better child school engagement
• lower child internalizing behaviors (such as depression)
• better parent-child communication, and
•  lower parental feelings of aggravation

So what does this mean?  Life can get so busy with the rush of children, school, activities, and well… just LIFE.  But it really is worth it…for the sake of your children…to invest in a quality partnership between you and your co-parent.  Go on a date, go for a run, or curl up and watch a good movie with your partner.  Though it may be hard to just focus on you and your partner, this is an investment with high returns!

This fall, there will be many people who will celebrate the year of “firsts”.  First child off to pre-school or kindergarten, first child on a sports team or band, first or last child off to college, first marriage, first grandchild and the list could go on.  You can fill in the blank with whatever new milestone is in your life right now.  As we navigate these milestones in life, it seems that it may also be time to re evaluate our personal relationships with our spouse.

I was called this week for a phone interview about marriage challenges that couples face through the seasons of life.  In doing some research, I found this from the University of Missouri that I could personally relate to and thought you might also, on ways to strengthen marriage.

• Remain good friends-be polite and respectful to each other.  Gain enjoyment and satisfaction from the friendship you’ve built.
• Partners in a growing relationship are committed to a strong marriage and will work through the problems to build a stronger marriage in the process.  It’s  not always easy and fun, but knowing you can count on your spouse, helps to ease the challenge.
• Perform daily acts of kindness- a simple way to express fondness and concern for each other is to lend a helping hand without being asked.  This sends out messages of love and concern.
• Share enjoyable times, go on a date and have fun together! Or write a love note or e-mail to let them know you are thinking of them throughout the day.
• It is essential to make your marriage a priority, to take time to enjoy each other—research has shown that the amount of fun time spouses spend together is a major factor in the happiness of their marriage.
• Create family traditions, they help to figure out what is important to you and they give meaning and predictability to marriages and families.  Traditions enable us to reaffirm our love and devotion to one another. 
• Each of us continue to grow as individuals so that we may grow together.  We are not the same people we were 20 years ago.  Taking care of ourselves and doing things we enjoy help us to improve the relationship.

Marriage is a challenging relationship that has many seasons.  It requires hard work for each of us and when we combine that with determination and discipline,  it has the potential to be very rewarding and satisfying.  If we seek to have a positive attitude, be empathetic and committed in our purpose and combine that with a lot of love and respect then more than likely we can have a fulfilling marriage.  Having our spouse as our friend throughout the history of our life allows us to enjoy the friendship,the  fun and traditions that have given us the joy of a  strong marriage and that’s definitely worth the effort!!

Author: Melinda Hill, CFCS, CFLE

September 28, 2009 is Family Day, a day for families to eat dinner together.  Why dinner? Research shows that family meals are almost magical.  Almost every benefit you could want for your child and your family has been shown to be related to the simple act of sitting down without the TV and eating a meal together.

What kind of benefits?

• In one study family meals were the largest predictor (more than sports, church or studying) of academic success and fewer behavioral problems for children 3-12.

• Family Meals are associated with vocabulary and sophisticated word use in children.

And the results just get better as the children get older…

• One study of adolescents found a strong correlation between regular family meals (five or more meals a week with at least one parent) and academic success, psychological adjustment and lower rates of alcohol use, drug use,  sexual activity, and suicide risk.
• Children 9-14 who had regular meals with their families also had more healthful eating patterns, consumed more fruits and vegetables, less trans and saturated fats and less sodas.
• Furthermore, one study found that college students with eating disorders engaged in less family meals as a child

But the benefit is not longer just for the children…

• a recent study found that more frequent family meals were correlated with adult life satisfaction.

Despite these huge benefits, we also know that families taking time for  meals together are declining- almost 1/3 of a decline since 1970.  Among the reason cited are TV, weeknight activities, and cleaning. Isn’t it ironic to you that in an age where we have sophisticated devices to communicate with people across the world, we find that one of the greatest predictors of so many good things for our families is actually to disconnect for a little while and tune in to the lives of those around us.  Family meal time does not have to be a fancy, laborious event.    Sometimes all that children need is for you to listen to them and pass the salt and pepper.

Take a night off from all the running around on Sept 28th and spend a night with your family. Make them their favorite meal and listen to them.  You never know what kind of impact it is having.

Update: A new study in the 2010 march issue of Pediatrics shows that preschoolers who eat a meal together as a family, in addition to getting adequate sleep and less TV time have a 40% lower prevalence of childhood obesity!  Check it out.

We all know that the economic times are tough: stocks are down, unemployment is up.  While the economy certainly affects our wallet, it can also affect our family.  Did you know that money worries are the # 1 cause of couple disputes?  In a recent study Authors, Papp, Cumings and Goeke-Morey, in the February 2009 edition of Family Relations found that often couples did not rank money as #1 when asked to rank what they thought were the biggest causes of conflict.  However, when they were observed working through different conflicts, money was often more emotional, tended to last longer, and were more likely to remain unresolved than conflicts not related to finances.

As couples navigate these tricky issues, and perhaps find an even greater need to deal with them in these tough times, it is important to be aware of the emotion and tension that is often involved.  Here are a few tips for these tough discussions:

• Don’t place blame, rather focus on how to resolve and work through the problem
• Be patient with your partner…and with yourself
• Take a break if you need to cool off- go for a walk or separate for a little while to calm down.  But come back to resolve the issue.  Don’t let the issue stay unresolved.
• Don’t bring up past issues—this is not productive and only serves to hurt the current discussion.
• Often, in the case of money, a budget or action plan is always good to have- to refer to when discussing money issues.  Try to make this budget or plan together, with both sides inputting.
• Involve the whole family in financial planning.  This can help children and teens begin to learn to manage money
• Try to think of things to do with your kids that do not involve money such as:
  • Family Mealtimes together
  • Picnic in the Park
  • Having a game night
  • Doing volunteer work together

Resolving money issues is never easy. But if you are able to work through these hard issues with patience and compassion, your relationship may end up stronger in the end!