Eat, Save, and Be Healthy

Ah, the high school years. That brief window of four years that every pre-teen anxiously waits for and every parent dreads. A recent, fascinating article about the power of the high school experience for teens published in New York Magazine online combines much of what we know (and don’t know) about how adolescent brain development, general high school angst, and our experiences in that last school building before graduation, shape who we will eventually become in adulthood. As the article mentions, results from many studies suggest that the memories and experiences we have between the ages of 15-25 stick with us the most – this phenomenon is coined the “reminiscence bump” and can explain why the music we tend to love most as adults is the music we listened to during high school. And may also explain why many of us remember our first cars with reminiscent bliss even though it was nothing but a hunk of metal on wheels…

“Why You Never Truly Leave High School” sheds light on some very interesting information, but as a parent, I want to know…how can I use it? One way to put it into context is to ask what parents can do to support their kids through these “magic” (and most often tumultuous) years. We’ll never be able to shield our kids from all facets of the teenage life experience, but we can empower them and ourselves to become more aware of how their future is shaped during high school.

1. Keep teaching your teen. Yes, as parents we’ve been nearly “trained” to assume that zero-3 years is the time to teach your kids nearly everything you want them to know or think that they need to grow up to be wonderful, productive human beings. But reality suggests that this is the end-product of too much research focusing on one specific span of human development. And we know from what little research exists on the teenage span of life that these years are just as important for learning new skills and being exposed to new and different things. Remember, everything your teen experiences from 15-25 stick with them longer and impact them more powerfully. So it’s not too late to teach them how to play the piano, to increase how much time you spend as a family learning from one another, or to encourage them to become involved in charitable activities such as Habitat for Humanity, etc.
2. Communication is key.  It’s one thing for a teenager to have a bad experience in high school, it’s another for them to feel as though they have no support system to help them cope with it. Communication between adolescents and their parents drops off significantly after they enter high school, mostly due to kids preparing themselves for adulthood and refocusing their concern from their parents, to their friends and finding where they “fit in.” Don’t let that deter you from spending quality time talking with your teen about how they are doing, what they’re experiencing at school, while hanging out with friends, etc. Even a short drive to school can provide 10 minutes of time to just talk about an everyday topic … more of these simple conversations usually lead to your teen opening up to you about more serious issues.
3. Battle against labels. One study mentioned in the article found that kids who were labeled in high school as jocks, druggies, or normals, viewed themselves the same way when they were asked to choose which label they identified with the most. Also telling, was that kids who were identified as “normal” and saw themselves the same way, were most happy with their social status. The study found that as kids moved up the social popularity ladder, their happiness decreased because their social status was more “precarious.” Talking to your teen on several occasions about how high-school labels ultimately don’t matter in adult life might help work against this phenomenon. Being supportive of your teen having a healthy variety of friends could also help, and shows your support for your kids to be happy just being who they are.
4. Know there is not a simple answer. Ask most college professors what they struggle with the most and the answer is beginning to morph from “teaching against senioritis” to “dealing with students who lack social skills.” A home-school movement that has increased in popularity over the past decade, begun by good-intentioned parents who wanted to shield their children from school-related angst, has led to the largest generation of college students and other young adults who lack necessary social skills (such as cooperative team work, etc.) while in a group setting (whether that’s in a college classroom or workplace environment.) Research findings on the teen years may lead to an entirely new issue of parents pulling their kids out of high-school in order to avoid some of the negative experiences they could face. More research is obviously needed to see what the cost/benefit of home schooling teenagers might be before parents see this as the simple solution to preven their kids from experiencing all of that “magic” teenage angst in high school.

To read the full NY Magazine article, click the following link:  http://nymag.com/news/features/high-school-2013-1/index1.html

For more information on parenting teens:

http://www.extension.iastate.edu/Publications/SP213.pdf

http://ohioline.osu.edu/hyg-fact/5000/5157.html

Written by:

Jamie Seger, Extension Program Coordinator, Family & Consumer Sciences

The Ohio State University

Money management is an important skill to have and one that can have a deep impact on a relationship.  Many studies have shown that disagreement over money is one of the top 3 reasons that couples state when separating or getting a divorce.  Money is important to think about and deal with because it can be so intertwined with trust in your partner. Trust in all areas of a relationship is important, but areas of finance may be especially important, as money management can be a very sensitive topic for many people. Ultimately, if partners are not honest and open in the area of money, it can have a detrimental effect on the marriage. Partners may begin to distrust each other about future finances, and it may also affect trust in other areas of the relationship. The skills to manage one’s finances can be tricky, and it may not have been a skill you were taught growing up.

There is an Ohio State Extension program that was developed for individuals and couples seeking to learn better money management skills, entitled “Manage Your Money”.  This program has been turned into a FREE, interactive, distance learning course.

The skills that are covered include:

• ŸLesson 1:  Getting Started. This lesson focuses on individual and family values about money. It gives you some suggestions about ways to talk with your partner and family about money matters. You are asked to think about and develop some financial goals for the future. There are also suggestions and tools to help you start tracking your expenses.
• Lesson 2:  Where Does Your Money Go? This lesson discusses cash flow, income, and expenses. There are worksheets on which to write critical information about your income, what you owe (your credit use), and types of expenses (fixed, regular flexible, and occasional) so you have a better picture of your current financial standing.
• Lesson 3:  Stop Spending Leaks. This lesson will help you examine your spending habits to see if any problems exist. There are suggestions for changing spending practices and habits. Worksheets help you and other family members commit to a personal plan to change spending habits so funds can be used to reach important goals set in Lesson 1.
• Lesson 4:  How Much Credit Can You Afford? The focus in this lesson is on the pros and cons of using various types of consumer credit, wise credit management, and the importance of your credit history. There is a checklist to help you determine if you have some credit problems, and worksheets help you compare some credit alternatives.
• Lesson 5:  Develop Your Budget. Guidelines and worksheets for developing a written budget are the focus of this lesson. The guidelines and tools are intended to help you actually “plan” future use of income so you are in better control of day-to-day and longer-term finances.
• Lesson 6:  Your Net Worth and Financial Records. The first part of this lesson focuses on your net worth and how you own property. The second part will help you collect and organize your important financial records.

The course link is: http://go.osu.edu/mym.  Access is free of charge; new course participants only have to create a user account before accessing the course.  Consider the great benefits of better financial management to you and your family, and start the course today!

For all the parents of teenage girls out there, does it seem as if your daughter’s life is constantly filled with DRAMA?  They do too! Recently the Women’s Fund of Central Ohio commissioned a study of over 2,000 girls with diverse backgrounds, from Central Ohio.  The girls ranged in age from 5^th to 12^th grade.  The study was interested in learning more about the things that girls feel as the important issues they are dealing with. 

Overwhelmingly, what seemed to rule the thoughts of the tweens and teens? Dating and friends.  When asked what are “some of the big things that girls your age are dealing with,” girls in the 5^th through 7^th grade rated ‘friendships’ as the top choice, with ‘dating’ coming in second with all but the 5^th graders.  After the 7^th grade, the top choices switch, with ‘dating’ coming in as a top stressor, and ‘friendships’ coming in behind.

Another interesting finding from this study of girls in Central Ohio was that they would rather talk to other girls their own age than adults, even adults other than their parent.  The girls often felt that adults didn’t understand them, and didn’t really listen to them and what was going on.  Perhaps the adults were too quick to try to downplay the importance of the issues the girls were going through.  While from an adult perspective we may be able to realize that fighting with a friend or breaking up with a romantic interest is not “the end of the world,” to these teens that are very focused on peer and romantic relationships, and may have fragile self-esteem, these things can feel like a world altering dramatic event.  In the Executive Summary of the findings, author Lisa Hinkelman offers the following analysis to parents of tween and teen girls:

“While adults have the benefit of wisdom and experience — they must recognize that a girl’s only experience is her current situation.  When she goes through a difficult relationship, she does not want you to tell her that, “There are other fish in the sea” or “I know how you feel”. Rather, she wants you to validate her intense emotions and realize that her feelings and experiences are all new to her.  She wants to be listened to, trusted, supported, and encouraged.”

To learn more about the study or the findings, you can find a link at the website for the Women’s Fund of Central Ohio: www.womensfundcentralohio.org.

According to a recent study released by the National Endowment for Financial Education three in 10 Americans say they have lied to their partner about financial matters.  This dishonesty can range from lying about small purchases to having secret bank accounts.  However little or small, financial matters are of critical importance to a relationship.

Taking this study into account, it may not be surprising that one of the top reasons partners mention for dissolving a relationship is because of money.  Financial trust and honesty in a relationship is just as important as trust in other areas.  Just as we might encourage a new couple to be honest about other areas of their life, it is important for partners to be able to be open and honest to each other about money.  Money is such a volatile issue, that if it goes undiscussed or if issues go unresolved, it can lead to major problems in the future.

One of the ways to begin to be open and honest with your partner is to develop a money management plan.  This includes being open and honest about where you are now financially, what are your financial goals for the future, and what is it going to take to get to those goals?

Ohio State Extension has an online study at home course that couples can go through if you are interested in working through some of these issues with your partner.  If you are one of those who is guilty of not always being honest with your partner, start anew and try to open dialogue about these issues today!

September 28, 2009 is Family Day, a day for families to eat dinner together.  Why dinner? Research shows that family meals are almost magical.  Almost every benefit you could want for your child and your family has been shown to be related to the simple act of sitting down without the TV and eating a meal together.

What kind of benefits?

• In one study family meals were the largest predictor (more than sports, church or studying) of academic success and fewer behavioral problems for children 3-12.

• Family Meals are associated with vocabulary and sophisticated word use in children.

And the results just get better as the children get older…

• One study of adolescents found a strong correlation between regular family meals (five or more meals a week with at least one parent) and academic success, psychological adjustment and lower rates of alcohol use, drug use,  sexual activity, and suicide risk.
• Children 9-14 who had regular meals with their families also had more healthful eating patterns, consumed more fruits and vegetables, less trans and saturated fats and less sodas.
• Furthermore, one study found that college students with eating disorders engaged in less family meals as a child

But the benefit is not longer just for the children…

• a recent study found that more frequent family meals were correlated with adult life satisfaction.

Despite these huge benefits, we also know that families taking time for  meals together are declining- almost 1/3 of a decline since 1970.  Among the reason cited are TV, weeknight activities, and cleaning. Isn’t it ironic to you that in an age where we have sophisticated devices to communicate with people across the world, we find that one of the greatest predictors of so many good things for our families is actually to disconnect for a little while and tune in to the lives of those around us.  Family meal time does not have to be a fancy, laborious event.    Sometimes all that children need is for you to listen to them and pass the salt and pepper.

Take a night off from all the running around on Sept 28th and spend a night with your family. Make them their favorite meal and listen to them.  You never know what kind of impact it is having.

Update: A new study in the 2010 march issue of Pediatrics shows that preschoolers who eat a meal together as a family, in addition to getting adequate sleep and less TV time have a 40% lower prevalence of childhood obesity!  Check it out.

Here are some additional resources as we start the new school year from the National Council on Family Relations (NCFR)…

The National Association of School Psychologists has a free tip sheet for parents as their children return to school.  Find it here:  http://www.nasponline.org/resources/home_school/b2shandout.aspx

Mental Health America (formerly the National Mental Health Association) also has some tips for families to get back in the swing of an academic year.  Click here:  http://www.nmha.org/farcry/go/information/get-info/children-s-mental-health/back-to-school–tips-for-parents

Finally, the American Academy of Pediatrics weighs in with some advice for parents as well.  Access it here:  http://www.aap.org/advocacy/releases/augschool.cfm

Other than homework, another way parents can help their children succeed is by getting involved directly with the school.  The more your child’s teacher and school administration are familiar with you, the more likely they are to keep in touch with you, and keep you aware of how your child is doing in school.  There are many ways that parents can get involved.  It is important to remember that as a parent, you are the advocate for your child in all circumstances, especially in the school setting.  Some ways that you can get involved are :

• Come to school meetings and PTO.
• Volunteer for the school.
• Know your child’s teacher, come to parent teacher conferences and meetings.
• Keep a calendar of school events, this makes your child feel like these events are important to you.
• If there is a problem, talk with your child’s teacher.

We all know that the economic times are tough: stocks are down, unemployment is up.  While the economy certainly affects our wallet, it can also affect our family.  Did you know that money worries are the # 1 cause of couple disputes?  In a recent study Authors, Papp, Cumings and Goeke-Morey, in the February 2009 edition of Family Relations found that often couples did not rank money as #1 when asked to rank what they thought were the biggest causes of conflict.  However, when they were observed working through different conflicts, money was often more emotional, tended to last longer, and were more likely to remain unresolved than conflicts not related to finances.

As couples navigate these tricky issues, and perhaps find an even greater need to deal with them in these tough times, it is important to be aware of the emotion and tension that is often involved.  Here are a few tips for these tough discussions:

• Don’t place blame, rather focus on how to resolve and work through the problem
• Be patient with your partner…and with yourself
• Take a break if you need to cool off- go for a walk or separate for a little while to calm down.  But come back to resolve the issue.  Don’t let the issue stay unresolved.
• Don’t bring up past issues—this is not productive and only serves to hurt the current discussion.
• Often, in the case of money, a budget or action plan is always good to have- to refer to when discussing money issues.  Try to make this budget or plan together, with both sides inputting.
• Involve the whole family in financial planning.  This can help children and teens begin to learn to manage money
• Try to think of things to do with your kids that do not involve money such as:
  • Family Mealtimes together
  • Picnic in the Park
  • Having a game night
  • Doing volunteer work together

Resolving money issues is never easy. But if you are able to work through these hard issues with patience and compassion, your relationship may end up stronger in the end!