Eat, Save, and Be Healthy

Ah, the high school years. That brief window of four years that every pre-teen anxiously waits for and every parent dreads. A recent, fascinating article about the power of the high school experience for teens published in New York Magazine online combines much of what we know (and don’t know) about how adolescent brain development, general high school angst, and our experiences in that last school building before graduation, shape who we will eventually become in adulthood. As the article mentions, results from many studies suggest that the memories and experiences we have between the ages of 15-25 stick with us the most – this phenomenon is coined the “reminiscence bump” and can explain why the music we tend to love most as adults is the music we listened to during high school. And may also explain why many of us remember our first cars with reminiscent bliss even though it was nothing but a hunk of metal on wheels…

“Why You Never Truly Leave High School” sheds light on some very interesting information, but as a parent, I want to know…how can I use it? One way to put it into context is to ask what parents can do to support their kids through these “magic” (and most often tumultuous) years. We’ll never be able to shield our kids from all facets of the teenage life experience, but we can empower them and ourselves to become more aware of how their future is shaped during high school.

1. Keep teaching your teen. Yes, as parents we’ve been nearly “trained” to assume that zero-3 years is the time to teach your kids nearly everything you want them to know or think that they need to grow up to be wonderful, productive human beings. But reality suggests that this is the end-product of too much research focusing on one specific span of human development. And we know from what little research exists on the teenage span of life that these years are just as important for learning new skills and being exposed to new and different things. Remember, everything your teen experiences from 15-25 stick with them longer and impact them more powerfully. So it’s not too late to teach them how to play the piano, to increase how much time you spend as a family learning from one another, or to encourage them to become involved in charitable activities such as Habitat for Humanity, etc.
2. Communication is key.  It’s one thing for a teenager to have a bad experience in high school, it’s another for them to feel as though they have no support system to help them cope with it. Communication between adolescents and their parents drops off significantly after they enter high school, mostly due to kids preparing themselves for adulthood and refocusing their concern from their parents, to their friends and finding where they “fit in.” Don’t let that deter you from spending quality time talking with your teen about how they are doing, what they’re experiencing at school, while hanging out with friends, etc. Even a short drive to school can provide 10 minutes of time to just talk about an everyday topic … more of these simple conversations usually lead to your teen opening up to you about more serious issues.
3. Battle against labels. One study mentioned in the article found that kids who were labeled in high school as jocks, druggies, or normals, viewed themselves the same way when they were asked to choose which label they identified with the most. Also telling, was that kids who were identified as “normal” and saw themselves the same way, were most happy with their social status. The study found that as kids moved up the social popularity ladder, their happiness decreased because their social status was more “precarious.” Talking to your teen on several occasions about how high-school labels ultimately don’t matter in adult life might help work against this phenomenon. Being supportive of your teen having a healthy variety of friends could also help, and shows your support for your kids to be happy just being who they are.
4. Know there is not a simple answer. Ask most college professors what they struggle with the most and the answer is beginning to morph from “teaching against senioritis” to “dealing with students who lack social skills.” A home-school movement that has increased in popularity over the past decade, begun by good-intentioned parents who wanted to shield their children from school-related angst, has led to the largest generation of college students and other young adults who lack necessary social skills (such as cooperative team work, etc.) while in a group setting (whether that’s in a college classroom or workplace environment.) Research findings on the teen years may lead to an entirely new issue of parents pulling their kids out of high-school in order to avoid some of the negative experiences they could face. More research is obviously needed to see what the cost/benefit of home schooling teenagers might be before parents see this as the simple solution to preven their kids from experiencing all of that “magic” teenage angst in high school.

To read the full NY Magazine article, click the following link:  http://nymag.com/news/features/high-school-2013-1/index1.html

For more information on parenting teens:

http://www.extension.iastate.edu/Publications/SP213.pdf

http://ohioline.osu.edu/hyg-fact/5000/5157.html

Written by:

Jamie Seger, Extension Program Coordinator, Family & Consumer Sciences

The Ohio State University

It seems to be a lost art to send or give a Thank you note.  When was the last time you received one?  However, after all the gifts this time of year we can give back to others by thanking them for their gift, time, company, and/or help.  A thank you can be a gift that “keeps on giving.”

When people receive a thank you note they tend to smile and think about the person who sent the note or other form of thank you.  It helps the person know you appreciated their thoughtfulness and it makes you feel better, too.  You know that you made someone else feel good for at least a few minutes.  In the future the person is more likely to think kindly of you just because of that one simple act of showing thanks.

We all need to make sure we thank the person right away if they are present when we open the gift or when they do an act of kindness.  When that is not possible we can phone, text, email, write a note, or send a video.   Videotaping the opening of presents to send a video or YouTube message, can be especially appreciated by grandparents who sent gifts to grandchildren who live some distance away.

Besides a handwritten note or YouTube message you might have the children make homemade thank you cards or bake a special treat to give as a thank you.   With YouTube messages you could be very creative or let the children come up with an idea of a way to say, sing, dance, or act out a thank you.

Tips for what to include in the thank you:

• Explain why you liked the gift and be specific.   The scarf is a perfect match for my winter coat.
•  If it was an act of kindness explain why it helped or why you appreciated it.  I really appreciate how you helped clean up after the party.  It helped me get to bed earlier that evening.
• Tell how you will use the gift, especially if you received a gift card or money.  I plan to save the money for a vacation trip. 
• If the person is special to you include a personal message, such as I’m so glad you are my grandmother.  You are the greatest!

In business or work situations thank you notes are also appreciated.  A handwritten note is appropriate.  However, Horsager in his book “The Trust Edge: How Top Leaders Gain Faster Results, Deeper Relationships, and a Stronger Bottom Line” gives some other suggestions.  These include:

• Sending a gift basket of chocolate, coffee or other goodies.
• Providing peer or public acknowledgement
• Calling the person on the phone or emailing them.
• Sponsoring some improvement or additional training
• Celebrating accomplishments

Thank you notes may seem old-fashioned, but they are always appreciated and reflect good thoughts to back to the sender.  It’s like getting a warm fuzzy.

Author:  Pat Brinkman, Extension Educator, Family and Consumer Sciences, Ohio State University Extension

Reviewed by:  Jennifer Even, Extension Educator, Family and Consumer Sciences, Ohio State University Extension

References:

Horsager, D. [2010]. The trust edge: how top leaders gain faster results, deeper relationships, and a stronger bottom line, Minneapolis: Summerside Press

Taylor, J. [2005].  The lost art of thank you notes, University of Illinois Extension Newsletter, University of Illinois

Tragedies like the shooting at Sandy Hook Elementary School in Newtown, CT evoke many emotions—sadness, helplessness, anger, confusion, and anxiety. Children may wonder if their home, school, and community are safe, although they may not necessarily verbalize their concerns. Parents and caregivers can help children understand these concerns by allowing them to ask questions and by responding with accurate information appropriate to the child’s age. It is important that parents and caregivers reinforce to very young children the idea that they will do everything possible to keep them safe. Children should be reminded that school and community leaders are also working to keep their community safe.

According to The National Child Traumatic Stress Network (www.nctsn.org) parents and caregivers may consider doing the following to provide comfort and support to children:

• Start the conversation
•  Find out what your child already knows
• Gently correct inaccurate information
• Encourage your child to ask questions and answer those questions directly
•  Limit media exposure
• Be a positive role model
• Be patient
• Seek out extra help

When tragedy occurs, children turn to adults for clarity, support, and answers and parents turn to family, their own experiences, spiritual or religious guidance, and informational resources from organizations and professionals. Below is a collection of links to resources developed by professionals designed to help parents foster resilience in their home.

Resource from CYFERNET
Coping with Violence and National Tragedy.

Resource from American Psychological Association (APA)
Helping Your Children Manage Distress in the Aftermath of a Shooting.

Resource from Child Care Exchange
When the World Is a Dangerous Place: Helping Children Deal with Violence.

Resource from North Carolina Health and Human Services
Helping Children Deal with Tragic Events in the News: Fred Rogers’ advice from Family Communications 

Resource from The National Child Traumatic Stress Network
Talking to Children about the Shooting.

Resource from the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services
Tips for Talking to Children and Youth after Traumatic Events.

Resource from Zero to Three
Little Listeners in an Uncertain World: Coping Strategies for You and Your Young Child after Tragic Events.

Resources from the University of Minnesota Extension
Resources from the National Council on Family Relations

Written By:
Jim Bates, Ph.D, CFLE
Assistant Professor
Extension Field Specialist, Family Wellness

Amidst the holiday decorations, music, special events and the “to do” list I trust that you are savoring some time for yourself to look for the good things and absorb the special moments with your children.  It might be a good time to take a look at the things on the list and evaluate the joy or stress they bring.   Take a look at the items below and decide for yourself if there needs to be some changes for your household this year.

•  Review family traditions.  Sometimes just because we have always done something doesn’t mean that we can’t revise or alter it as the children grow or desires change.  Talk about new ways to celebrate and maybe different traditions that might be just as fun.
• Keep a calendar and a schedule.  If there’s too much excitement or trying to do too many things, then everyone gets tired and cranky.  Don’t be afraid to say no, you don’t have to do everything.  Keeping a schedule for young children is really important.  They need their naps and daily routines more now than ever.
• Don’t skip meals because you are too busy.  Rushing through fast foods or skipping meals on a regular basis can only throw your body out of kilter, less sleep, more caffeine, and mood swings may follow.  Your children need their regular meals.  Research tells us that if we eat at home, they are generally more nutritious with low fat milk, whole grains and vegetables that we generally don’t find at a drive thru.
• If children will be spending time at someone else’s home, plan ahead and talk about it.  Once you’ve agreed on a holiday schedule with the children, try and stick with the plan.  This will help your children feel secure and comfortable.  If plans are always changed, children may become confused about the expectations and may become cranky and irritable.
• Don’t feel guilty about not having a “perfect” celebration.  Be flexible and try to enjoy the moment.  It’s really not about the decorations or the gifts; it’s about spending time together with family and friends.  Don’t let competition spoil the holidays.  Test this one; ask your family members what gift(s) they received last year.  Then ask what they remember most—an event or special tradition that you did.  See which one they remember the most.
• Don’t take responsibility for everyone else’s happiness.  Learn to delegate responsibilities so that you are not always taking on more than you can ever accomplish.  Change your expectations so that everyone can help with a task and feel a part of the holiday celebration.
• Look for things to do with the children that you both like.  Puzzles, board games, even cooking in the kitchen will create positive memories.
• Make a list of all the things you dislike about the holidays and rid you of most of them.  If it brings you grief, then why are you still doing it?  How can you change it?

Remember the holidays will never let you down.  Only you can let yourself down.  The responsibility is always your own.  Take time to really look at what’s important to you at this special time of year and make plans to change some things so that you can enjoy the love, joy, peace, faith and happiness of the season.

Author: Melinda Hill, Extension Educator, Family and Consumer Sciences, Ohio State University Extension

Sources: OSU Extension, Positive Parenting 2009

Nancy Wilson, Penn State Better Kid Care Program

Amy Griswold, Family Life Educator, University of Illinois Extension – Macomb Center; Rachel Schwarzendruber, Family Life Educator, University of Illinois Extension – East Peoria Center

In the spirit of the upcoming holidays, here is a top 10 list for Infants and Young Children from the blog of the National Association for the Education of Young Children (NAEYC), found here.

Here’s My Top 10 Toy Ideas for Infants!

1. Measuring cups and spoons to shake, rattle, and roll

2. Plastic containers to stack, fill, and empty

3. Washcloth to hide a surprise, wave in the air, or help with cleanup

4. Ball of yarn or ball of socks that can go far and do no damage

5. Clean 2-liter soda bottle with label off, filled with beads, pebbles, jingle bells, etc., and safely sealed

6. Blankie

7. Your keys (*to jingle and shake, not to give to baby)

8. Disposable-diaper box turned into seat, sled, drum, hiding place

9. Upside down pots and pans (best if used with metal measuring cups for really loud rhythm jam sessions)

10. Your lap!

And Here’s My Top 10 for Toddlers and Preschoolers!

1. Empty boxes, large and small

2. Bubble wrap for art projects or jumping games

3. Rolls of brown packing paper for large art projects

4. Paper-towel and wrapping-paper tubes

5. Old gift cards, and membership cards as pretend money for shopping

6. Cardboard backing from flipchart after paper is used up. Use for puppet theater, store counter, easel, roadmap for toy cars, etc.

7. Big bowl of water with a few soapsuds on kitchen floor (with towel) with washcloth, kitchen items, dolls or plastic animals that need a bath

8. Roll of masking or cellophane tape. Watch the magic happen!

9. Clean, empty plastic food containers (for example, yogurt or margarine tubs) with lids for pretend cooking and bathtime play

10. Your lap!

Authored by Pat Holmes, Family & Consumer Sciences Educator, Ohio State University Extension Educator

Causes of stress for children come from both positive and negative experiences in their lives such as starting school or day care, a birthday party, birth of a new sibling, camping out for the first time, separation/divorce of a parent, change of parent’s employment, moving to a new location, a sleep-over, homelessness, family illness, or the death of a family member.
The excitement or anxiety a child experiences places extra demands on their ability to cope. Children cope best when the existence of stress is recognized and adults ensure the child’s basic physical needs are met.
Parents are the child’s role model for how to deal with stress. You may not realize that children are watching and learning from you, but they are. Show them by your example how to cope with expected and unexpected changes in a positive way.
If you are the parent of more than one child you probably recognize that no two children experience change in exactly the same way. When children have a positive relationship with both parents, or at least one significant adult, they are better able to cope with stress in their life.
How can parents help? As a parent you should look for emotional, social, physical, and cognitive behaviors that are not the norm for your child. You may recognize anything from ‘acting out’ behaviors to becoming the ‘perfect’ child. The second is harder to recognize, but if it is a change from the way they have always behaved, they may be trying to be perfect so nothing else will change. Being perfect puts a huge strain on the child and they may need counseling help to get over this response to stress.
Here are a few suggestions:
• Set realistic expectations according to your child’s developmental level.
• Provide encouragement. Say “I love you” and let them know you are there for them.
• Verbally recognize positive behavior. When unacceptable behavior occurs, redirect your child by stating their options. Help your child find acceptable ways to express negative feelings.
• Reduce family conflict.
• Give your child a chance to make choices when appropriate.
• Listen to what your child is saying. Notice their body language. Take time to talk with your child.
• Spend time together and interact with your child.
• Allow your child to help you when appropriate, but be prepared for the task to take longer.
• Discipline with logical consequences. Limit “time out.” Above all be consistent.
• If your child is having difficulty adjusting, limit additional life changes when possible. Example: if parents are separating/divorcing that is not the time to begin toilet training for a toddler.
• Remember the value of laughter.
• Seek professional help for your child and/or yourself when needed.

Source:
Breslin, D. (2005). Children’s capacity to develop resilien¬cy: How to nurture it. Young Children, 60 (1), 47–52.
Farish, J. M. (2003). Helping young children cope: When disaster strikes. Washington, DC: The National Associa¬tion for the Education of Young Children.
Frost, J. (2005). Lessons from disasters. Childhood Educa¬tion, 82 (1), 2–8.
Mercurio, M. L., & McNamee, A. (2006). Using children’s literature to cope with the loss of a pet. Childhood Edu¬cation, 82 (3), 153–160.
Rycik, M. T. (2006). Using books to help children un¬derstand troubled times. Childhood Education, 82 (3), 145–152.

http://ohioline.osu.edu/hyg-fact/5000/pdf/Helping_Children_Stress.pdf

Whether you plan to purchase toys for a holiday or another special occasion here are some things to consider before you buy:

Age and Development of the Child
Of course you want the child to enjoy the toy. Toys may be marked as to appropriate ages for that toy, but what if you are not sure? Children of the same age are not identical. Consider each child’s actual age, physical and cognitive development as you shop. Think about their habits and routines. Consult with the child’s parent if buying a toy for a child that is not your own. When you initiate the conversation it allows parents to express ideas for toys that are age appropriate for their child and toys that they would not want the child to have. Parents may also know that someone else is planning to get a particular toy, thus saving the need to return a duplicate item.

Cost of the toy
Does it fit into your budget? Are you using a charge card because you want to or because you have to. Remember, paying more isn’t a guarantee that you are getting a better item. Use common sense and avoid ‘impulse’ or ‘guilt’ shopping. Sometimes young children may be as interested in the box as they are with the toy. Consider a “certificate” for the child to do something with you as part of your gift, such as: bake cookies, go to the park, ride bicycles, build a snowman, or paint a picture. Creative gifts can extend the joy of gift giving and receiving.

Safety of the toy
Some common hazards to be aware of:
• Any toy or part that fits through a toilet paper tube should be avoided for children under age 3 or when the child puts things in their mouth to prevent choking hazards. Avoid button batteries around young children. Balloons can also pose a threat. Be aware that some building toys contain small but powerful magnets that could fall out and look like shiny candy to a child.
• Toys that seem too noisy for you are probably too loud for children’s sensitive ears. If you still want to get the toy, consider removing the batteries.
• Cords and drawstrings on hoods and jackets can pose a strangulation hazard. Mobiles should be removed from babies’ cribs before the child can push up (around 5 months.)
• Lead is hazardous for children. Hardware stores usually carry a home lead tester. PVC plastic contain phthalates which may cause developmental problems.
• When giving toys such as bikes, scooters, skateboards, and inline skates remember to include safety equipment such as helmets, knee/elbow pads, etc.

Websites to check for more information:
http://cpsc.gov Since 1995 the United States Consumer Product Safety Commission has set CPSC standards and monitored toys that have been made or imported into the United States. They issue safety recalls. You can report unsafe toys at CPSC’s hotline 1-800-638-CPSC.
http://safekids.org As part of The National SAFE KIDS Campaign this website provides adults with fact sheets, links to other sites, and details about car seats and crib safety.
http://toysafety.net This site provides information about toy safety and is a project of the National Association of State Public Interest Research Groups (PIRGs).

Sources:
Choosing Safe Toys for School-Age Kids, Children’s Medical Center, Dayton, Ohio. http://www.childrensdayton.org/cms/kidshealth/1a4f706239b2045d/index.html, accessed December 12, 2012 2:42 p.m.
Smart Toys for Every Age, Children’s Medical Center, Dayton, Ohio.
http://www.childrensdayton.org/cms/kidshealth/9537e1915e26ea2/index.html, accessed December 12, 2012 2:30 p.m.
Tips For Toy Safety, U.S. Public Interest Research Group. http://uspirgedfund.org/resources/usf/tips-toy-safety, accessed December 12, 2012 2:50 p.m.

Authored by Pat Holmes, Family & Consumer Sciences Educator, Ohio State University Extension

Citizenship is more than where you are born or live.  It’s about a choice to share in the community in which you live.  A community is built by building relationships between individuals in the same area.  It means you practice making life better for those that you share with.  “Good citizenship is knowing about the community and caring enough to put your knowledge, talents and energy to use to make the community a better place to live” (Exercising Character, Character Counts Curriculum).  As we share with our children the concept that citizenship is not just knowing about our government and the rules and laws we live by, it’s about learning to work with and for, others around us.

Responsibility is a key concept in being a good citizen.  Whether you are a member of a family, a congregation, a community, a state or a nation you have rights and, responsibilities to uphold the tasks required of you.

“Intelligence is not enough. Intelligence plus character, that is the goal of true education.” — Martin Luther King Jr.

Being a good citizen is a learned behavior.  It’s more than knowing our country’s history and how it functions.  It requires action with that knowledge to move us forward from where we are at the moment.  Here are some ideas you might like to try as a family:

• Create a make a difference day: choose several service projects that you might see need for in your community and establish a timeline (one a month, once every 4 months, etc).
• Look for ways to practice random acts of kindness.  Do something nice for someone, just because.
• Send notes or cards to your local police or fire station and thank them for their protection.
• Look around (with your parents help/support) and see how you might help others in your neighborhood. (raking leaves, shoveling snow, taking pets for a walk, etc).
• Talk about what rules you obey and why those rules are important to your safety and the safety of those around you.
• Take time to really study the information on issues for the upcoming election and discuss them during travel times or meal times.

Here are a couple of books you might like to read and discuss with your younger children:

• My Teacher for President, by Kay Winters (Dutton Children’s Books, 2004)
• I Pledge Allegiance, with commentary by bill Martin jr. and Michael Sampson (Candlewick press, 2002)

This time of year, it is easy to become frustrated with all the adds, the signs and phone calls.  Take time to remember what it is really all about and don’t forget to exercise your right to vote.

Author:  Melinda Hill, Extension Educator, Family and Consumer Sciences, Ohio State University Extension.

In our household, between the end of November and the beginning of January not only do we celebrate the national holidays like Thanksgiving and New Years’ we also celebrate five family birthdays!  As nice as it is to spend time with family and celebrate all these milestones, it adds a lot of extra planning, shopping and cooking to the weekly schedule. I want my family to know just how special they are not only on their birthdays but also at holiday celebrations and I work hard to make sure I don’t set up expectations of perfection for this time of year.  As much as I enjoy looking through magazines or new postings on Pinterest, our house and meals don’t all have to be perfect! Here’s a list from a “Less Stress Holiday” handout that I like to use for this time of year:

Take one step at a time

• Those around you will appreciate more time with a relaxed you – the best “present” you can give is your unruffled presence.
• Honesty counts.  Be frank about your needs verses wants when it comes to spending and shopping, eating and exercise or extra holiday activities.
• Rank the “to do” list from most to least important. Cross off the less important activities to increase enjoyment of the more important interests.
• Take Ten. Take a ten minute break, a ten minute nap, or a ten minute walk.

Holiday foods can be healthy foods

• Eating meals together can offer nourishment, health, communication, and loving connections.  Relax and enjoy the company as much as the food.
• Make new family favorites.  Try a healthier version of your most often used recipes. Increase nutritional benefits by adding more fruits, vegetables or whole grains or decreasing the amount of sugar, salt or fat.

• Be choosy with high calorie drinks, snacks, desserts and other holiday foods.  It’s OK to enjoy edible delights. It’s also smart to use a smaller plate, only select half a serving or share a dessert with a loved one.
• Slow down and enjoy your foods. To get the most pleasure and flavor, savor your bites.

“Luck is a matter of preparation meeting opportunity” Oprah Winfrey

• Take the time to plan menus, shopping lists and event calendars.  The investment of planning time is worth it. I ask my family “what one activity do you want to make sure you do during the holiday season?”  and “what is one recipe you want to make sure is on the menu?”
• Let the calendar or PDA do their job.  Don’t forget to add “me” time, “down” time or “break” time.

• Expand your stress management tool kit. If one stress reliever doesn’t work, try the next one.

• Create a benefit record.  Imagine the things that bring you delight and have the list ready as a reminder in stressful times.

Enjoy holiday events, just don’t overdo it

• Some indulgence is OK, but also practice balance. Balance your food choices, spending and time commitments.  Budgeting is not only for money, but also for calories, time and energy.
• Get plenty of rest, eat healthy meals and snacks, and keep up usual routines for exercise.
• Connect with others. Identify someone as a stress reduction partner who can be a call or text away.

Make healthy choices that fit your lifestyle so you can do the things you want to do

• Follow this advice for kids: Balance your day with food and play.  Fit in exercise and make use of playfulness    as well as your funny bone.
• Virtually any form of exercise, physical activity or body movement can be a stress reliever.  Try something new.
• Not only does physical activity help reduce stress, it also helps balance out the common increase in holiday calories.
• When choosing gifts for others, look for items to promote a healthy lifestyle like exercise equipment, healthy cook-books or magazine subscriptions, a fresh fruit basket or home canned foods.

Information compiled from Mayo Clinic, Eat Right Montana, and Ohio State University Extension.

Author:  Patrice Powers-Barker, Extension Educator, Family and Consumer Sciences, Ohio State University Extension.

Causes of stress for children come from both positive and negative experiences in their lives such as starting school or day care, a birthday party, birth of a new sibling, camping out for the first time, separation/divorce of a parent, change of parent’s employment, moving to a new location, a sleep-over, homelessness, family illness, or the death of a family member.

The excitement or anxiety the child experiences places extra demands on their ability to cope. Children cope best when the existence of stress is recognized and adults ensure the child’s basic physical needs are met.

Parents are the child’s role model for how to deal with stress. You may not realize that they are watching and learning from you, but they are. Show them by your example how to cope with expected and unexpected changes in a positive way.

If you are the parent of more than one child you probably recognize that no two children experience change in exactly the same way. When children have a positive relationship with both parents or at least one significant adult they are better able to cope with stress in their life.

How can parents help? As a parent you should look for emotional, social, physical, and cognitive behaviors that are not the norm for the child. You may recognize anything from ‘acting out” behaviors to becoming the ‘perfect’ child.  The second is harder to recognize, but if it is a change from the way they have always behaved, they may be trying to be perfect so nothing else will change.  Being perfect puts a huge strain on the child and they may need counseling help to get over this response to stress.

Here are a few suggestions:
•    Set realistic expectations according to your child’s developmental level.
•    Provide encouragement. Say “I love you” and let them know you are there for them.
•    Verbally recognize positive behavior. When unacceptable behavior occurs, redirect your child by stating their options. Help your child find acceptable ways to express negative feelings.
•    Reduce family conflict.
•    Give your child a chance to make choices when appropriate.
•    Listen to what your child is saying. Notice their body language. Take time to talk with your child.
•    Spend time together and interact with your child.
•    Allow your child to help you when appropriate, but be prepared for the task to take longer.
•    Discipline with logical consequences. Limit “time out.” Above all be consistent.
•    If your child is having difficulty adjusting, limit additional life changes when possible. Example: if parents are separating/divorcing that is not the time to begin toilet training for a toddler.
•    Remember the value of laughter.
•    Seek professional help for your child and/or yourself when needed.

Source:
Breslin, D. (2005). Children’s capacity to develop resiliency: How to nurture it. Young Children, 60 (1), 47–52.
Farish, J. M. (2003). Helping young children cope: When disaster strikes. Washington, DC: The National Association for the Education of Young Children.
Frost, J. (2005). Lessons from disasters. Childhood Education, 82 (1), 2–8.
Mercurio, M. L., & McNamee, A. (2006). Using children’s literature to cope with the loss of a pet. Childhood Education, 82 (3), 153–160.
Rycik, M. T. (2006). Using books to help children understand troubled times. Childhood Education, 82 (3), 145–152.

Author:  Pat Holmes, Ohio State University Extension